Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Bedtime Check-In

Every single night, before I (finally) go to bed, I go in and check on the girls. I sneak into their shared room, trying to be as elusive as possible, as not to wake my little girls. Brantley is sleeping soundly in her big girl bed, and is surrounded by her 11 dogs, her "a-puter" (aka, her leap pad explorer hand-held computer), her sippy cup, and a collection of her favorite toys of that particular day. She is sometimes sleeping sideways, almost always on top of the covers, and with her little mouth just slightly open. I snuggle in with her for a moment and hold her like I used to when she would sleep between Scott and I in our bed. I brush her hair back out of her face, and simply look at her, in awe, for a moment. My big girl. My first born. My beautiful Brantey. I tuck her back in, whisper to her how much I love her, and shower her with kisses on her face and the top of her head.

Then I move over to sweet Grayson. She is still sleeping in her crib (thank goodness) in their room. She is almost always sleeping on her tummy, head to the side with her mouth open too, and her little hiney up in the air with her feet tucked underneath her. I stroke her hair, cover her back up with her blanket, but unlike Brantley, she almost always stirs. She sits up, confused and a little unsteady, looks at me with sleepy eyes, and reaches her arms up for me to lift her up out of her crib. I often feel guilty about my time with Grayson. I feel guilty that when she was a baby, she was so laid back and Brantley was more demanding, and Brantley got more attention from us. I also feel guilty that since Grayson was only 8 months old when I found out that I was pregnant with Bennett, that she was only "the baby" for a short amount of time before she became a big sister, thus, again, less attention from us. So those nights that she reaches up to me, to have an extra moment with mama, one on one, I take full advantage of it, and pull her right up.

I cradle her and rock her back and forth, sing her her very special song that only she and I know, and slowly and peacefully, she falls back asleep in my arms. I look at her sweet face, just as I looked at Brantley's, and talk to God about how thankful I am for them and how blessed our family truly is. I relish in these beautiful and quiet moments with my girls.

It's funny that even on the days when the girls are particularly "challenging," and bedtime can't come soon enough, I miss them when they finally are in bed. And I always look forward to our special bedtime check-ins, even if they don't know they're even happening. Time is moving so quickly, and I know it will go by even faster with Bennett. But time seems to stand still when I am looking over my sleeping babies. There is nothing more precious to me then these special moments we share while they're resting, and whispering to them how much they are loved by their mama while they dream away.

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